


The One Time Jessie Spread A Super Nasty Rumor About Butch And Cassidy

by GoofyGoldenGirl



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gossip, Petty Drama, Rumors, Team Rocket - Freeform, just extreme inappropriateness all around, moral of the story don't be that person guys, stand alone one shot from a fic series, team rocket are jerks, what comes around goes around and comes back around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 18:58:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9562283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoofyGoldenGirl/pseuds/GoofyGoldenGirl
Summary: Team Rocket And The One Time'schapter 13 in all its uncensored glory





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just so we're clear.....
> 
> Yoooo this fic has some verrry explicit language and is just gross, immature, and petty overall. If it's too much for yah, here's the [clean version.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7967365/chapters/21620687) Then again probably about over half of you came from Team Rocket And The One Time and are probably expecting this.
> 
> Some of you reading this are probably thinking wait a second I heard a rumor like that one time too back in the day. Yep, it's one of those rumors that ascended into an urban legend.

Ah, the Team Rocket breakroom. The golden space of peace where Team Rocket cadets could lose themselves into their cups of coffee and chow down on junk food before going out on their next mission. Recently recruited Jessie, somewhere between the ages of fifteen to eighteen, was chilling with a fellow Team Rocket grunt whose name was probably Ashley since it was the 90s and nearly every single girl was named Ashley. The two, like nearly all youth do were discussing the latest gossip. (Although one might point out that the urge to badmouth our peers is something that never goes away when we age, and that instead of causing discord within our own lives, we find a suitable and safe niche in targeting the rich and famous instead. But that’s a different matter altogether) Jessie was intently following Ashley’s story, and she leaned in to get all the deets. 

“And so like Joey goes back to Brooklyn to see his side chick Téa right? But then like he finds her with her with this Yugi guy and he like _flips out_ ‘cause like that dude is also a stripper and his stage name is like Yami or whatever and like totally blew him in the back of the club like last week.” 

“Oh. My. God,” Jessie said. 

“And then his GF Mai comes in and she’s like super pissed and starts to go off on Joey for being such a manwhore but then she sees that Yugi’s there and she _looses_ it ‘cause she says he gave her the clap.”

“Wait---so what does this have to do with this Pegasus sugar daddy dude?” Jessie asked.

“Ok so I’m getting to that,” Ashley held her hand up. “So Yugi calls her out on her bullshit ‘cause he doesn’t have the clap he has _crabs._ And like Joey---“

The conversation was rudely interrupted as a disgruntled Cassidy stormed her way through the breakroom. With a huff, she slammed her empty coffee mug on the counter and reached for the coffee pot. Jessie and Ashley both glared at her. Cassidy muttered something about her partner Butch being a pain in the ass under her breath before picking up the mug. A sway of her hips and she headed out the door. 

“ _Jeez._ What’s up with her?” Ashley wrinkled her nose as she watched Cassidy leave. 

The wheels were turning in Jessie’s head and a devious look glinted in her eye. She chuckled as the plan to ruin her arch- rival for good was about to go into action.

“Oh, like you don’t _know?_ ”

“Know what?” Ashley was intrigued. 

“Are you sure you wanna know? It is so _nasty,_ ” Jessie drew out the last word for emphasis.

“Hell yeah!”

“Pinky- promise you won’t tell anyone else?” Jessie asked with a smirk, knowing that Ashley could not keep a secret for her life.

“Totes,” Ashley’s pinky curled against Jessie’s.

“Ok…So Butch and Cassidy…” Jessie leaned in and whispered in Ashley’s ear.

************************************************************************** 

One hour later, Ashley burst into her bffl’s dorm room where said bffl and five other friends were chilling.

“ Hey Ash-leh!” They all greeted her.

“Hey guys what’s up? You will like never believe what I just found out,” Ashley exclaimed. 

“What?”

“Tell me!”

“Oh my god is it Pegasus; I heard he gave Mai the clap.”

“No, but this is just as good,” Ashley grinned. “So you know that Batch kid and Cassidy?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok so like get this. Batch and Cassidy like wanted to try anal right? So he’s like going into her from like behind and like as he pushes in she like shits all over his dick. And like she had beans for lunch so it was like diarrhea. Like everywhere.”

“OH MY GOD!” Her friends exclaimed in unison. 

“I KNOW RIGHT? THAT’S SO NASTY!” Ashley chimed in.

**************************************************** 

The five friends then told the rumor to their friends. Who then told it to their friends. And their friends. And their friends. And their friends’ friends. And their siblings. And cousins. And their pokemon, who overheard the conversations and then told it to their pokemon friends. And by Monday, since it was the 90s and texting and messaging and all that jazz that could spread the rumor in less than twenty- four hours didn’t exist yet, nearly all of the Team Rocket grunts under the age of thirty knew about Butch and Cassidy.

“Yo so did you hear Butch and Cassidy tried anal and she shat all over his dick,“ A girl whispered to her friend in the Team Rocket computer room.

“Ewwwwww,” one guy made a grossed out expression before refilling his plastic cup at the water cooler.

“Ok this better be good ‘cause I’m in the middle of watching _Friends._ ”

“Bitch and Cassidy---” The targets of the rumor were pointed out as they made their way down the hall.

“I like didn’t even know they were like a thing but----GODDAMMIT KEIICHIRO CAN’T YOU SEE I’M ON THE PHONE?”

“WAAAAHAAAHAAHAAAAHHHHH!™”

“Botch and Cassidy?” Someone asked, confused.

“Dude that is so embarrassing!” Was followed by laughter. 

“It was _Taco Bell_ \----“ The guy telling the group emphasized. 

“And so they’re like freaking out and she like runs with a hand covering---“ The girl stopped as she saw one of the supervisors coming over to check on them. 

“Oh my god!” A girl placed a hand over her mouth and nervously giggled. 

“Hey man, did you hear about Butch and Cassidy?”

James tensed up. His feet slid together and his body moved in to minimize space. He kept his gaze on the grimy restroom tiles and the dull silver flush handle that stuck up at the top of the urinal.

“Um---uh---yeah?” He was not sure how to respond this random dude who broke the unspoken rule that guys should never engage in conversation while in the bathroom.

“Gross right? But like you gotta give him credit for still being able to work with her. I mean that takes _guts,_ " he laughed.

“Um. I’m trying to pee here,” James said with a very uncomfortable expression.

Exactly ten minutes later he caught up with Jessie and her newfound clique.

“Jessie. Do you know what you’ve _done?_ ” He asked as he approached her. 

“Like. What?”

“This dude tried to talk to me while I was trying to pee!”

“And? People try talk to me all the time when I pee?” Jessie did not get it.

“You don't get it Jessie, guys don't talk to each other in the bathroom. It is like a _sacred_ rule that should never be broken unless the apocalypse happens. What you have done is turned everything upside down! Who knows what’s gonna happen next that could send everything into chaos in Team Rocket headquarters? Like… do you think that maybe…they’ll finally let us level one grunts go Friday happy hour? ‘Cause that would be so freaking awesome!”

“Wait? It’s a rumor?” One of the girls asked. 

“No it’s _not!_ ” Everyone, including James, shot her down.

****************************************************************** 

Whenever the Team Rocket grunts would happen to meet with Butch and Cassidy outside of work, they started snickering and whispering amongst themselves. When questioned by Butch or Cassidy as to what was so funny, they were cracking up so much that they couldn’t or simply wouldn’t spill the beans. Until that fateful Wednesday morning…

“Like what’s so funny?” Butch asked which came out as a whine because of his god- awful voice.

The four other coworkers they were talking with were in hysterics. One guy was slapping his knee. A girl had a hand on her stomach and was struggling to take in enough air. The wisecrack of the group kept on making bad inside jokes.

“Butch my man you’re a national hero. You took one for the team. You hit a home run and made it to fifth base. Could you tell the press what it was like?”

“Knock it off, I don’t play baseball jackass,” Butch retorted.

Cassidy rolled her eyes with a groan at the stupidity around her. 

“I know ya don’t man but ya know what I mean. _Beans_ ,” the wisecrack winked with a nudge-nudge.

“Hang on it was _Taco Bell,_ ” one of the grunts corrected him.

“No. I was told it was _Brussels sprouts_ ‘cause she was on a diet and--- oh shit she’s in front of us,” one of the girls realized. 

Cassidy’s eyebrows furrowed and she placed her hands on her hips as she took a step towards the group.

“What are you talking about?”

The group had become quiet. They exchanged nervous glances at each other, not exactly wanting to incur Cassidy’s wrath.

“ _What are you talking about?_ ” Cassidy repeated in a low voice.

“It’s a joke?” The wisecrack was running out of cracks.

“Oh really? Then tell me why it’s so funny?”

The wisecrack attempted to make one last comeback.

“Well ladies and gentlemen it looks like we’re _screwed._ Just like Butch when Cassidy gave him a little chocolate surprise during fun---“

The wisecrack barely finished the punchline when an enraged Cassidy slammed him into the wall. The wisecrack’s friends all ran for their lives and reputation. The wisecrack started to scream as the interrogation began…

******************************************************** 

Thursday morning, Jessie and James walked into Team Rocket Headquarters to find that everyone was staring at them. Some people even giggled. One dude cupped his hands at the side of his mouth and yelled:

“Hey! It’s Jessie and James! Or should I say _PB_ and James?”

“Oooooh!” His buddy stuck out his tongue, placed it between his second and third fingers and wiggled it around.

“Lickety-lick-lick ‘til you get sickety sick-sick!”

The two dudes laughed. Jessie and James ignored them. 

“Oh my god they’re acting like they’re in middle school.”

“We have better things to deal with than those douchecanoes.” 

“Oh my god! Jessie!”

Ashley ran up to them. She sharply inhaled before blurting:

“Oh- my- god- Jessie- like- did- you –and- James –like- really- you- know-like- actually- did- the- thing- with- the- peanut- butter?” 

Jessie and James exchanged confused looks.

“Huh?” James asked.

“Ashley what the fuck are you talking about?” Jessie wanted to get to the point. 

“But like you totally know what I’m talking about!” Ashley said. "Like he wanted to go down on you but like he didn’t know how so you like put peanut butter all over your vagina so he could lick it off and then like some of it got stuck inside cause he pushed it up there with his tongue and like you got a yeast infection.”

Jessie’s whole face turned a deep purple. Steam seemed to rise from her ears as she took a sharp breath. Her hand clenched into a fist and pounded at some imaginary foe in the air. James slid back, knowing what was about to come next as Jessie’s mouth opened and let out a roar:

“WHO FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT?” 

Ashley blinked in response. She tilted her head to the side and shrugged.

“Like… Cas-sidy?” Ashley said like it was common knowledge. Neither Jessie nor James responded at first.

“So is it like true?” She asked.

“No it’s not!” James angrily exclaimed.

_Slam!_

Jessie’s fist collided with the nearest wall. She jumped back in pain, cradling her bruised knuckles as she screamed:

“I AM GONNA FUCKING KILL THAT **BITCH!** ”

And alas, it was the point of no return. The battle with all its casualties did not bring an end to the war for it would continue for years to come, perhaps forever. And with this caveat I leave with thee: the sound of gossip sure is sweet but let it fester and it will sting. Or as Justin Timberlake famously put it: what goes around comes around goes around and back aroooooound.


End file.
